February 2023
From Discovery Through Recovery
There are many circumstances in life in which it is intuitive to determine what actions to take to resolve a problem. Discovering that a trusted life partner is emotionally or sexually involved with another person or that they are involved in a sexually compulsive behavior like pornography use isn’t one of those circumstances. As individuals and couples, we are designed for intimate connections, with life commitment and marriage being the most intimate. I like to explain it using the concept of power. We have in us an inborn, God-given, DNA-structured design and desire to be the most powerful intimate connection
Making Sense of the Senseless
This is a continuation of my blog series titled From Discovery Through Recovery. I will begin with a deeper explanation of the power of connection because, upon discovery, a life partner is typically trying to make sense of a circumstance that seems senseless. As individuals and couples, we are designed for intimate connections, with life commitment and marriage being the most intimate of those connections. I like to explain it using the concept of power. We have in us an inborn, God-given, DNA-structured design and desire to be the most powerful intimate connection in our partners’ life. Discovering that someone
December 2021
The Ever-Present Calculator: A Message on Eating Disorders
By: Kayli Spears, MFT-Intern A 2020 research article on body shape ideals in the United States yielded that women “reported conflicting pressures to be thin while also having the desire to have curvier and fuller bodies” (Hunter et al., 2020, pp. 240). There has been yet another shift in the perception of the “perfect body” in the United States over the last couple of years. Similar to the changing of the seasons and the trends that come and go, society’s ideal body fluctuates as well. How can anyone win with what is “in” or “popular” when standards are constantly shifting?
October 2021
The Reality of Chronic Illness: An Invitation to Leave the Mask at Home
By: Kayli Spears, MFT-Intern “You look normal.” “Why don’t you ever want to do anything?” “You are so flakey.” “Why are you always tired?” “Can’t you just take some medicine?” If you are an individual with autoimmune conditions or chronic pain, you will likely find the first few statements all too familiar. God has designed our minds and bodies to have open and intricate lines of communication with one another. When an individual experiences chronic stress, fear, anxiety, or depression, those emotions have the potential to manifest into physical ailments in the body. When autoimmune conditions are present, the mind
September 2021
Caring For the Caretaker: Pouring from an Empty Cup
By: Kayli Spears, LMFT Associate When was the last time you checked in on yourself? Being in the position of taking care of a loved one with an illness, dementia, and other memory-loss diseases, in particular, is a unique space accompanied by responsibility, loss, frustration, setbacks, and victories. The caretaker tends to their loved one hand and foot, but who is there to tend to them? An individual's caretaker position allows them to walk alongside a loved one, receiving the privilege of peering through the darkest corners of their journey along with the cracks of light and progress that make its
April 2020
What Effect is the Quarantine Having on My Relationship with My Partner?
Well like a lot of things in life the answer is that it depends, and I would like to put my thoughts and opinions out for those interested. I’ll start with being quarantined together. I know for some this has been an enhancement for their relationship and for some it has caused significant strife. In the case of the enhancement, it is due to lessened stress at work (furlough) for one person in the couple and therefore more attention being able to be given to the partner still working and that partner’s emotions. In the case of the increase in
March 2020
Progress vs. Perfection
I had an interesting conversation today about progress versus perfection. This is a concept that gets discussed often in my office and I would like to expound on it; also I found the following, awesome, quote by Voltaire: When we think of progress, what comes to mind? I think of steady advancement toward a goal. Whether that goal is a mental health accomplishment, a wood working project, a vehicle restoration, a scrap book, or recovery, progress is an incremental move toward a goal. Perfection is what? I think it is an ideal, it is something that we hold in our mind as
A Few Things to Know About Premarital Counseling
At its most basic, premarital counseling or education is a chance to sit down with a trained professional to discuss life after the wedding day. Most of the premarital couples I have worked with have numerous questions about roles, responsibilities, sex, money, work, kids, extended family, video games, social media, conflict, fighting fair…and the list could go on. It is important to note that these are couples who on the cusp of marriage, very much in love, and coming from a place of great commitment, yet they still have these questions. Let me assure you, it is okay to have the questions!
