September 2026
Why Shame Doesn’t Change Behavior
If your spouse has done something that broke trust, lied, hidden something, or crossed a line you didn't think they'd cross, it's natural to want them to feel the full weight of it. Some part of that instinct is healthy. Real change does require real ownership. But there's an important difference between accountability and shame, and it matters more than it might seem. Here it is plainly: shame does not create lasting change. It creates relief-seeking. What It Looks Like From the Outside Shame-driven confrontations often look intense and can, in the moment, seem to produce results. The offending spouse
Why Do We Keep Having the Same Fight?
You've had this fight before. Maybe not these exact words, but this exact shape. It starts about the dishes, or the schedule, or something one of you said in front of the kids. Ten minutes in, you're not even talking about that anymore. You're talking about whether you matter to each other. If this feels familiar, you're not imagining it, and you're not doing marriage wrong. Most couples who feel stuck in a loop aren't actually failing to communicate. They're communicating clearly. It's just that the real conversation is happening one level below the one they think they're having. What
June 2026
Infidelity Recovery: Healing Through the 4Rs
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a couple can face. Whether it involved a sexual affair, an emotional relationship, pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, secret messaging, or another form of betrayal, the impact is often devastating. The betrayed partner may feel shocked, confused, angry, numb, anxious, or unable to trust their own judgment. The partner who betrayed may feel shame, defensiveness, fear, regret, or uncertainty about how to repair the damage. When betrayal enters a relationship, many couples wonder the same thing: Can we recover from this? The answer is not simple, but it is hopeful. Infidelity does not
February 2026
Why ‘Let It Go’ Doesn’t Actually Work
We’ve all heard that before. “Just let it go”. “Let it go” sounds great in a children’s musical, but we all know that real life often doesn’t come with a musical resolution and magic palace. While people often mention this with good intentions, this advice can often leave someone feeling frustrated or broken when they can’t seem to do it. If letting go were that simple, most of us would have done it already. When something painful happens in our close relationships, we store that emotional memory. Then old arguments may resurface, certain events trigger us, and we can feel
March 2020
Releasing Unforgiveness
Because we are all human and humanity is inherently a condition of weaknesses, we cannot give forgiveness without releasing the emotions that coexist with the thoughts relative to an issue that needs forgiving. Therefore, instead of talking about giving forgiveness, I prefer to help people through a process of releasing unforgiveness. This is not an effort to label someone as unforgiving as if that was a fault. It is simply a recognition of a reality of God's design of humanity. An assumption or prerequisite of this process is that we have already admitted/acknowledged that an offense occurred. This process does
