January 2025
Accountability Relationships for Compulsive Sexual Behavior
In my therapy practice, I often hear about personal experiences of accountability. Usually, though, it’s a description of failed accountability, especially when the accountability issue is compulsive sexual behavior. Let’s explore accountability from the perspective of being set up for success. Accountability can be defined as “an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions” (Webster), and as “acknowledgment and assumption of responsibility for actions, . . . (Wikipedia). Further, accountability for husbands in a marriage is set up for success by considering the following elements: Intentional/voluntary – Husbands, enter an accountability relationship by your own
November 2024
6 Steps to Handling Mistakes in Parenting
Much is written about parenting, what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and so on. I know there are resources to help parents navigate their shortcomings, but they don’t seem popular or accessible. So, I thought I’d write up something on the topic and how I handle things with my kids. I tell clients all the time that I believe I am a good therapist; however, I am by no means a perfect husband or father. So what do we do when we hit our own negative defaults and wind up creating some sort of emotional
Therapists Need Therapy Too
By Adrienne Rains, LMFT-Associate Supervised by Dr. Mark White As therapists, we carry a lot of things with us in our hearts, minds, and souls. We need a place to get those things out. When in school or newly licensed we have a supervisor that allows us to express ourselves in a safe place. We are constantly talked to about self-care and what our plan is, but what happens when we are finished with school and supervision and on our own in private practice and our self-care falls by the wayside? This is when therapists need to turn to other
February 2023
From Discovery Through Recovery
There are many circumstances in life in which it is intuitive to determine what actions to take to resolve a problem. Discovering that a trusted life partner is emotionally or sexually involved with another person or that they are involved in a sexually compulsive behavior like pornography use isn’t one of those circumstances. As individuals and couples, we are designed for intimate connections, with life commitment and marriage being the most intimate. I like to explain it using the concept of power. We have in us an inborn, God-given, DNA-structured design and desire to be the most powerful intimate connection
April 2020
What Effect is the Quarantine Having on My Relationship with My Partner?
Well like a lot of things in life the answer is that it depends, and I would like to put my thoughts and opinions out for those interested. I’ll start with being quarantined together. I know for some this has been an enhancement for their relationship and for some it has caused significant strife. In the case of the enhancement, it is due to lessened stress at work (furlough) for one person in the couple and therefore more attention being able to be given to the partner still working and that partner’s emotions. In the case of the increase in
March 2020
Progress vs. Perfection
I had an interesting conversation today about progress versus perfection. This is a concept that gets discussed often in my office and I would like to expound on it; also I found the following, awesome, quote by Voltaire: When we think of progress, what comes to mind? I think of steady advancement toward a goal. Whether that goal is a mental health accomplishment, a wood working project, a vehicle restoration, a scrap book, or recovery, progress is an incremental move toward a goal. Perfection is what? I think it is an ideal, it is something that we hold in our mind as
A Few Things to Know About Premarital Counseling
At its most basic, premarital counseling or education is a chance to sit down with a trained professional to discuss life after the wedding day. Most of the premarital couples I have worked with have numerous questions about roles, responsibilities, sex, money, work, kids, extended family, video games, social media, conflict, fighting fair…and the list could go on. It is important to note that these are couples who on the cusp of marriage, very much in love, and coming from a place of great commitment, yet they still have these questions. Let me assure you, it is okay to have the questions!
Created for Connection but Susceptible to Alternatives
Dr. White - I recently reviewed some addiction debate among professionals regarding a YouTube video titled Addiction, by Kurzgesagt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8AHODc6phg And a TED Talk titled Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong, by Johann Hari: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs Their point being made is that a potential underlying cause of addiction that has been undervalued in research and treatment is disconnection; addicts often suffer varying degrees of disconnection in their important relationships. Hari concludes that “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.” I don’t want to enter the debate by taking a stand in far left or far right views. But
