March 2020
Accountability in Intimate Relationships: What Does It Really Mean?
In my therapy practice I often hear about personal experiences of accountability. Usually though, it’s a description of failed accountability. Today, I want to explore accountability from a perspective of being set up for success. Accountability can be defined as “an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions” (Webster), and as “acknowledgment and assumption of responsibility for actions, . . . (Wikipedia). Further, accountability for husbands in a marriage are set up for success when they consider the following elements: Intentional/voluntary – Husbands, enter an accountability relationship by your own personal intention, not just at
Self-Care, Not Just Chocolates and Bubble Baths
Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just can’t give any more? Your tank is running on empty, and it’s only Thursday. You tell yourself that you only have to make it two more days until the weekend. Then your boss informs you that you’re going to have to come in on Saturday to finish up a project. Then daycare calls and tells you your child is throwing up and has a fever. Then your spouse informs you that they forgot to mention that their parents are coming over for dinner on Sunday. Suddenly, the weekend you’ve
Transformed by Renewing the Mind
So many life principles from the Bible apply to mental health. In Romans 12:2, Paul gives us just such a great life principle; becoming transformed by renewing the mind. In context, Paul had just addressed some ineffective patterns of worldly living. Then he states to not conform any longer to the old patterns, but instead to become transformed by renewing our minds. From a mental health perspective, I want to put some practical action on how to accomplish this. If I have an old, ineffective pattern of thinking due to my experience of life, but the truth of God’s design
Created for Connection but Susceptible to Alternatives
Dr. White - I recently reviewed some addiction debate among professionals regarding a YouTube video titled Addiction, by Kurzgesagt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8AHODc6phg And a TED Talk titled Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong, by Johann Hari: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs Their point being made is that a potential underlying cause of addiction that has been undervalued in research and treatment is disconnection; addicts often suffer varying degrees of disconnection in their important relationships. Hari concludes that “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.” I don’t want to enter the debate by taking a stand in far left or far right views. But
Equipped for Success!
I heard a great message at church last Sunday, proclaiming the finished work of God in our lives. One of the points made was that we are equipped for success, more specifically, that we have been given everything we need for life and godliness. This is a past tense, finished work of God in each of us. By design, we are fully equipped for life. As a mental health professional, I talk to many people who say they don’t feel equipped on an emotional level. What is it that hinders us from feeling equipped for success? What hinders some of
Why is Marriage So HARD? Pt. 3
Over the last month and a half I have brought several points to readers concerning God’s design for marriage. I will briefly provide you with a recap. In Pt. 1, from Matthew 22:36-40, I pointed to loving God, loving spouse, and loving self (with emphasis on healthy self-love) as essential to marriage that is not hard. In Pt. 2, from Proverbs 5:18-19, we see that healthy marriage relationships are born out of rejoicing in our spouse. That post went a little long and I had to cut it short and thus write a part 3. So, this post will return
Why is Marriage So HARD? Pt. 2
Two weeks ago I posted the first three principles of how to rely on God’s design for marriage and how that design allows access to marriage that is not oh-so-difficult. Those principles are based on Jesus’ guidance for us to love God, ourselves, and our spouses in a trinity of self-supporting and mutually beneficial relationships. If you haven’t read it yet I encourage to take a few minutes to do so. This week I will be coming to you from Proverbs 5:18 & 19. It is here that husbands are encouraged to behave towards their wives in a particular way.
Why is Marriage So HARD?
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we began talking about marriage. I stated I didn’t think marriage has to be as hard as our culture, even our churches make it out to be. His eyes narrowed, he tilted his head, “REALLY! You think marriage doesn’t have to be that hard?” Why wouldn’t my friend think that way? We hear it all the time. All the clichés; “it’s a 50/50 deal, no it isn’t you gotta give 100%, there’s no way, if you’re not in it 110% the wheels are gonna fall off.” Even in
