By: Justin Rivas.
In Marriage and Family Therapy, we often encounter parents grappling with a common challenge: a child’s resistance to therapy. It’s understandable to feel frustrated, annoyed, or worried when your child refuses help, but how we respond can significantly impact their willingness to engage in the process.
Firstly, acknowledging the child’s feelings promotes participation. Children, like adults, have the right to express discomfort. Instead of dismissing their resistance, try to understand the root cause. Fear, shame, and anger often arise as emotional barriers to therapy. Open, non-judgmental communication can set the stage for a meaningful discussion to begin.
Secondly, avoid compelling them by force against their will. Coercion will breed resentment and reinforce negative associations with therapy (Johnston 2001). Instead, focus on creating a safe and collaborative environment. Engagement from both parent and child are vital to therapeutic success (D’Arrigo 2017). Explain the benefits of therapy in age-appropriate terms and ask them to reflect on the decisions they can make about their own motivations. Prompting children to separate the feelings of not wanting to go from their beliefs about improvement also helps. For example, “I know you feel like you don’t want to go, but I believe it will help. Do you believe it will help, despite how you feel?”.
Consider your child’s developmental stage. Younger children often participate more in play therapy or art therapy, while adolescents might prefer individual sessions without the parents present. Offering choices can empower them and increase their sense of control drastically. Explicitly allowing the option to pause or leave the session after starting can also help jumpstart therapy.
Address any misconceptions they might have about therapy. Many children fear being labeled, judged, or subtly punished. Reassure them that therapy remains confidential, and that the therapist supports them not to take sides or tell them what to do. Therapists often act more like referees than teammates.
Remember, building trust takes time. Be patient and persistent, but also respect your child’s boundaries. Ultimately, the goal is to create a safe and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable seeking help. By acknowledging their feelings, fostering open communication, and offering choices, you can increase their willingness to engage in therapy and begin a journey towards wellness. If you would like to explore this topic further, please call Dr. White and Associates and schedule an appointment with Justin.
References
D’Arrigo, R., Ziviani, J., Poulsen, A. A., Copley, J., & King, G. (2017). Child and parent engagement in therapy: What is the key?. Australian Occupational Therapy
Journal, 64(4).Johnston, J. R., Walters, M. G., & Friedlander, S. (2001). Therapeutic work with alienated children and their families. Family court review, 39(3), 316-333.
